Michigan Intelligence
E passed these along to me. You have to be a true Buckeye fan to really appreciate this!!
MICHIGAN INTELLIGENCE
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Michigan joke?"
The guy replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I am 6' tall, 200 lbs. and I am a Michigan Graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", 225 lbs. and he is a Michigan Graduate. The guy right next to him is 6'5", 250 lbs. and he is also a Michigan Graduate. Now, you still wanna tell me that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times".
~~~~
It was reported that the Michigan Football Coach Lloyd Carr will only be dressing 20 players for the Ohio State game this Saturday...the rest of the players will have to dress themselves!
~~~~
Did you hear that the University of Michigan library burned to the ground?
All five books in the library were completely destroyed.... the football team is really upset by the fire; they hadn't colored in two of the books yet!
~~~~
What's the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor?
Columbus: 187 Miles
~~~~
What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?
Drool
~~~~
How do you get a Michigan Graduate off your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza
~~~~
Four college Alumni were climbing a mountain one day: A OSU grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal fan of their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way to the top when the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountainside shouting, "This is for the fighting Irish!" Not wanting to be out done, the Penn State grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Nittany Lions!" Seeing this, the OSU grad walked over and shouted, "This is for the Buckeyes!" and pushed the Michigan grad off the mountain.
~~~~
What did the Michigan grad say to the OSU grad?
"Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order please?"
~~~~
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the store."
"But, I'm a Michigan graduate," the young man replied indignantly, "I even played football there!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I better show you how."
~~~~
Two Michigan football players were hootin' and hollerin' while partying on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took them two months. "Two months?!" exclaimed the bartender. The Wolverine proudly replied, "Yeah, the box said 4 - 6 years!"
~~~~
A Wolverine football player was almost killed today in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out an unplugged the horse just in time.
~~~~
A little boy and his mother were walking through a Michigan cemetery when they came upon a headstone that read: "Here lies a Michigan graduate and a good man."
The little boy asked his mother, "Mommy, why did they bury two people in there?"
~~~~
Coaches Jim Tressel and Lloyd Carr are walking down the beach talking about the new rivalry starting with Jim taking over as the OSU head coach. As they are walking, Lloyd trips over something in the sand. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a genie's lamp.
"Who disturbs me?" asked the genie. Jim and Lloyd both say they did it.
"You will each get one wish," said the genie.
Lloyd offers to go first. "I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Michigan so that none of those stupid Ohioans can ever get in. I want it as far down into the ground as it is high, and I want it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace!"
The genie grants the wish to Lloyd and his is instantly whisked away to his new paradise.
The genie now tells Jim he'll grant him one wish. Jim says, "Fill it up with water."
~~~~
Why is ice no longer available at Michigan football games?
Because the senior who knew the recipe finally graduated.
~~~~
What are the three longest years of a Michigan football player's life? His freshman year.
MICHIGAN INTELLIGENCE
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Michigan joke?"
The guy replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I am 6' tall, 200 lbs. and I am a Michigan Graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", 225 lbs. and he is a Michigan Graduate. The guy right next to him is 6'5", 250 lbs. and he is also a Michigan Graduate. Now, you still wanna tell me that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times".
~~~~
It was reported that the Michigan Football Coach Lloyd Carr will only be dressing 20 players for the Ohio State game this Saturday...the rest of the players will have to dress themselves!
~~~~
Did you hear that the University of Michigan library burned to the ground?
All five books in the library were completely destroyed.... the football team is really upset by the fire; they hadn't colored in two of the books yet!
~~~~
What's the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor?
Columbus: 187 Miles
~~~~
What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?
Drool
~~~~
How do you get a Michigan Graduate off your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza
~~~~
Four college Alumni were climbing a mountain one day: A OSU grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal fan of their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way to the top when the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountainside shouting, "This is for the fighting Irish!" Not wanting to be out done, the Penn State grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Nittany Lions!" Seeing this, the OSU grad walked over and shouted, "This is for the Buckeyes!" and pushed the Michigan grad off the mountain.
~~~~
What did the Michigan grad say to the OSU grad?
"Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order please?"
~~~~
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the store."
"But, I'm a Michigan graduate," the young man replied indignantly, "I even played football there!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I better show you how."
~~~~
Two Michigan football players were hootin' and hollerin' while partying on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took them two months. "Two months?!" exclaimed the bartender. The Wolverine proudly replied, "Yeah, the box said 4 - 6 years!"
~~~~
A Wolverine football player was almost killed today in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out an unplugged the horse just in time.
~~~~
A little boy and his mother were walking through a Michigan cemetery when they came upon a headstone that read: "Here lies a Michigan graduate and a good man."
The little boy asked his mother, "Mommy, why did they bury two people in there?"
~~~~
Coaches Jim Tressel and Lloyd Carr are walking down the beach talking about the new rivalry starting with Jim taking over as the OSU head coach. As they are walking, Lloyd trips over something in the sand. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a genie's lamp.
"Who disturbs me?" asked the genie. Jim and Lloyd both say they did it.
"You will each get one wish," said the genie.
Lloyd offers to go first. "I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Michigan so that none of those stupid Ohioans can ever get in. I want it as far down into the ground as it is high, and I want it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace!"
The genie grants the wish to Lloyd and his is instantly whisked away to his new paradise.
The genie now tells Jim he'll grant him one wish. Jim says, "Fill it up with water."
~~~~
Why is ice no longer available at Michigan football games?
Because the senior who knew the recipe finally graduated.
~~~~
What are the three longest years of a Michigan football player's life? His freshman year.
posted by Ohio Queen @ 11:32 AM
2 Comments:
At Tuesday, September 12, 2006,
SassyGurly said…
Oh so you think those jokes are funny dont cha? Well Michigan Rules and Ohio State drulz! Ha! i;m going to make a blog of OSU Jokes.....You just wait Missy!
At Thursday, September 14, 2006,
SassyGurly said…
I miss you guys! I have had such a busy day and am now trying to finish some biology but am procrastinating! I love you guys! Hope your having a great vacation!
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